Dearest Love,
I'm feeling so, so, so awful right now.
You are in the midst of getting blood and urine tests for suspicion of liver failure, hepatitis, jaundice or whatever it is that has something to do with the liver. Your eyes have turned yellow and I've googled some information and all your symptoms seem to point to liver failure. I am hoping it is merely hepatitis..... not that hepatitis is any better, but the lesser of the evils listed.
I've realised I've been such a terrible, terrible person. And to add on to that, a terrible, terrible wife.
While we were in Bangkok, I had no idea what was wrong with you and I kept saying you were "Raymond"... and I was upset that you hadn't been able to enjoy the trip and food (more like I didn't want to get fat by myself...!) .... and oh, Love..... I am so horrible! I would go back to Bangkok and make it a damn miserable trip if I have to, if only nothing was wrong with you!
I think more to that.... You have always been living up to your vows...and I've been so spoilt by you... you've always taken care of me, you've always been the one taking care of plans for trips and all that, ...... and I got lost for abit. And as a result, I forgot my vows to you.
I had vowed to take care of you and to learn how best to take care of you. All I did was try to feed you with some silly medication - which of course, was all the wrong ones..... which didn't help you. Oh God, Love... I'm a terrible, terrible person! :( I promise this will change.
I guess... sometimes, it is knowing the other person very well too... and I guess, perhaps, I may not know you as well as I thought I did. Sometimes, we take things for granted. You and I, we're different - at times, both ends of the extreme. I've always liked living my life a bit closer to the edge.... (ala my Dad's style)... and I sometimes do not heed signs - or don't read them very well - especially when it says "Danger Ahead" :P Like the time I raced with a cracked rib.... or you know, eating snails by the roadside when I had diarrhoe.... I guess, I take the motto of Making Each Day Count a bit too far..... You, on the other hand... have always been very sensitive to every little bit of changes your body goes through and you heed them........ and if you can't, you don't really push it...... and I guess.... we should look at it as a balance for the both of us. We need to find our middle ground.
I've been feeling so awful. I fear...... losing you. I admit - I don't think I can live my life, without you by my side. (and this blog would be pointless if that happened!!) .... I can't imagine and it's scary imagining it. I don't want money, richess, travel the world, whatever it may be... I just want you by my side and laughing together as we always, always do.
I will take care of you. Forever. Please get well.
Girl
